Well-Being

The single largest, universal issue lawyers contend with that wreaks havoc is lack of boundaries. No one teaches us how to discern our own personal boundaries (emotional limits) from the kinds of obstacles we encounter in our cases (legal limits). Until we understand the difference, most lawyers approach our own personal boundaries/emotional limits the same way we approach the legal limits we encounter in our work life (which is to ignore them or navigate around them).

Boundaries are often misunderstood as limits we place on other people. Boundaries are actually limits we set within and for ourselves. We can tell someone to not call past 10 PM, but we have no control over that individual. They may, in common parlance, “cross our boundary” by calling at 11 PM. But demanding another person do (or not do) something is not actually setting a boundary. Putting our phone on ‘do-not-disturb’ so that it does not ring after 10 PM ensures that we will not receive calls after 10 PM.

As this example illustrates, what we have control over is our own behavior. We teach people how to treat us. There are so many ways in which we can learn to set healthy boundaries and engage in better self-care. Learning how and when to say no, learning how to stop overextending ourselves, and learning how to engage in better self-care can prevent major problems down the line (everything from compassion fatigue to burnout to depression to potential problems with alcohol or other drugs).

What we have seen over the years at LAP, is that lawyers can engage in effective boundary-setting and self-care with a firm commitment to their own well-being, while also having thriving, successful practices. They do not have to sacrifice one for the other.

Getting adequate sleep is even more critical to our physical and mental health than following a healthy diet or daily exercise routine. While we sleep, our bodies perform crucial repairs by flushing out toxins, replacing cells, repairing damaged tissues, restoring energy supplies, boosting our immune system, and regulating hormone and neurotransmitter (such as dopamine and serotonin) levels. This, in turn, aids in keeping our mood stable and our thinking clearer and more rational, so we can combat negative thoughts and boost our ability to cope. Sleep deprivation drains glucose (the fuel) in the prefrontal cortex (where self-control occurs), thus our ability to exert self-control becomes depleted – and when self-control is depleted, we are more likely to lash out or otherwise behave inappropriately and/or unethically.

If you’re having trouble sleeping, a technique you can try is to start a gratitude list in your head, but to do it alphabetically. As you are lying in bed awake, close your eyes and think of something that you are grateful for that starts with the letter A, then B, and so on. Many people report falling asleep before hitting the middle of the alphabet.

Exercise is an excellent way to deal with stress, anxiety, and depression. Working within an adversarial system, most of us experience the fight/flight/freeze response on a daily basis. From a neurological perspective, exercise “completes the stress cycle” and neutralizes the fight/flight/freeze response, allowing our brains and bodies to return to homeostasis or a neutral relaxed state. Essentially, it helps the nervous system become “unstuck” and begin to move out of the immobilization stress response that characterizes PTSD and/or trauma.

When our muscles contract they secrete chemicals into the bloodstream. One type of chemical secreted is called myokines, which have also been called the hope molecule. These tiny proteins travel up to the brain, cross the blood-brain barrier, and act as an anti-depressant. They are responsible for all sorts of positive things like improving our ability to learn, increasing our capacity for locomotor activity, and protecting the brain from the damaging effects of aging. They also help improve metabolism, reduce inflammation, and increase muscle strength. Exercise also releases neurotransmitters and endorphins that enhance our mood and help clarify our thinking. Research has shown exercise improves mild to moderate depression as effectively as antidepressant medication and reduces the symptoms of stress, anxiety, and ADHD.

What we eat can have a dramatic impact on both our mood and cognition. New research shows that our gut is a place of critical neurological activity – so much so, it has been called our second brain. Scientists call this second brain the enteric nervous system (ENS). The ENS is two thin layers of more than 100 million nerve cells lining the entire gastrointestinal tract. We now know that most of the serotonin in our bodies is found in the gut.

Our brains require fuel to function, and to function well our brains need premium fuel. What we eat directly affects the structure and function of our brain and indirectly affects our mood. Research reveals that whole-food-based diets, such as an Anti-inflammatory Diet, Whole-30, or Mediterranean Diet, prevent or improve risks for cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, metabolic-related disorders, auto-immune disorders, and certain cancers. Most importantly for our purposes, a diet based on whole foods correlates to lower risk of cognitive decline and depression. Everyone’s body is different, and everyone functions differently with what helps them operate optimally, but the common thread of research shows that highly processed foods (think: food in boxes and bags) have categorically negative effects on all of us. Diets high in refined sugars, for example, worsen our body’s regulation of insulin and promote inflammation and oxidative stress. Multiple studies have found a correlation between a diet high in refined sugars and impaired brain function and worsening of symptoms of mood disorders, like depression.

Mindfulness is essentially paying attention, on purpose and without judgement, to what is happening in the present moment. Mindfulness combats anxiety. Anxiety loves to take us from the present moment to some point in the future that feels uncertain and thus threatening. Our anxiety response can range from ruminating to worrying to catastrophizing. We need to stay in the moment and be aware of where we are to keep from going where our anxiety wants to take us. A Harvard study found that the average person’s mind wanders about 47% of the time. In other words, we are thinking about something other than what we are doing 47% of the time. And, when our mind is not thinking about what we are doing in the present moment, we are less happy and less at peace.

Research has documented that the benefits of mindfulness include:

• Lessen anxiety and depression
• Lessen rumination
• Increased positive response to stress
• Greater self-awareness and better emotional regulation
• Greater self-compassion

Focusing on the five senses is a great technique for bringing us into our bodies and the present moment through felt experience. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding technique brought to us by one of our LAP volunteers after open-heart surgery.

Meditation is the state of simply being and experiencing. It is a process whereby we train ourselves to focus, pay attention and increase awareness. During meditation our brain stops actively processing information, which is what lawyers are constantly doing. There are many misconceptions about what constitutes “successful” meditation. Many lawyers think they cannot successfully meditate because they cannot “stop thinking.” “Getting rid of thoughts” is neither the purpose nor, more importantly, the method of meditation. In fact, that will never be the outcome for any of us, even the most seasoned meditator. Ridding ourselves of thoughts is impossible because the very nature of the mind is to think. The more one tries to fight the thoughts the stronger they become, which is why most people give up immediately and conclude that they are hopeless at meditation.

While we cannot silence the mind, we can begin to observe the thinking that never shuts off. This is the true nature of meditation. We are not trying to turn off our thoughts or feelings, rather we learn to observe them without judgement.

A lawyer once asked, “Will I still get irritated if I meditate?” Absolutely. You will still get irritated. But what will happen is that you will notice you are getting irritated. The initial irritation is what it is. It’s our immediate reaction to the stimulus. But then the running commentary kicks in and we become agitated and more irritated that the person has irritated us. Maybe we feel they have wasted our time or are not performing in some way we expected. The part of us that’s ramping up the story and whipping things up emotionally is the ego/false self. The part of us that can notice the initial irritation is not that; it is something deeper. By definition, the inner observer or one observing the irritation cannot be identified with the irritation. Just that little gap of space gives us greater agency of choice about how to respond to a situation, leading to more professional behavior.

There are so many benefits to meditation. So far science has established that people who meditate:

• have a higher perceived quality of life
• feel less anxiety
• feel less depressed
• have higher immune function
• have greater empathy

There are lots of ways to start. There are free or paid subscription meditation apps like the Calm app or the Insight Timer app. There are free body scan meditations, guided meditations, compassion meditations, and others available on YouTube. The key here is practice. Practice meditation and concurrently practice non-judgmental compassion and kindness towards ourselves. When it comes to meditation, quality is more important than quantity.

Technology was supposed to make our lives easier because it would improve efficiency, thus (in theory) freeing us up to live a more balanced life. But of course, we have seen the use of technology boomerang on us. Lawyers fill our schedules and workload to capacity, and we now squeeze in three times as much. On one hand, our smart phones allow us to be more easily connected. The downside of that is now we never get a break. We or others expect us to be available 24/7. This is an excellent area to practice personal boundaries, because no one else will put these limits in place for us.

Take a daily break from technology. Completely disconnect from technology when you get home, after business hours, or in the evening. Put away your laptop, turn off your smartphone and stop checking email and voicemail. We have all learned from experience that when curiosity gets the better of us, checking either email or voicemail late into the night gets our adrenaline going at the time we most need to relax. All it takes is one belligerent email or voicemail from opposing counsel (or a demanding client) at 8 or 9 PM to kick us into a fight/flight/freeze response, which then interferes with our ability to fall asleep or stay asleep.

Social media is particularly triggering to our amygdala, again throwing us into the fight/flight/freeze response. Research has shown a direct correlation between increased social media usage and increased rates of anxiety, depression, and rage. To keep your peace of mind, minimize usage of social media.

Did you know that the single best predictor of happiness, health, and longevity is not wealth, fame or how hard we work, but meaningful connection with others and quality relationships? The Harvard Study of Adult Development is the most comprehensive and longest running well-being study ever conducted. Starting in 1938, researchers followed two groups: 1) a group of 268 Harvard sophomores; 2) a group of 465 young men from one of poorest neighborhoods in Boston. Researchers conducted periodic interviews, took brain scans, did blood tests and collected information on the participants’ personal and professional lives. The most significant finding was that quality relationships are the best predictor of happiness, health and longevity. The findings are reported in both a book and a Ted Talk.

Relational connection is even more important in times of stress, difficulty, or crisis. Studies show that being with close friends and family (i.e., deep connection with people we trust and who are supportive) during difficult times can reduce stress hormone (cortisol) levels and increase happiness hormone (oxytocin) levels.

Practicing law can be very isolating. It is a very individual-contributor type profession that does not lend itself to fostering meaningful connections. It is, therefore, even more important that lawyers make conscious and deliberate choices about establishing and nourishing meaningful connections in their personal lives.

Creativity is a powerful antidote to compassion fatigue and burnout. Develop your creative side. Try something new, start a fun project, or resume a favorite hobby. Choose activities that have nothing to do with work. These activities in particular help nourish the limbic brain, which gets the good stuff flowing in our brains which, in turn, provides greater emotional resilience. Creativity is also a great way to forge meaningful connections with others who share similar interests.

The feeling of gratitude creates a cascade of positive hormones, endorphins and neurotransmitters in our limbic brain. There are so many scientifically documented benefits to having a simple, daily gratitude practice. Gratitude helps build resilience, improves physical health, helps us sleep better, stops negative rumination, allows us to avoid toxic emotions, and creates long-lasting positive changes in our brain.

The practice is simple and can be accomplished in several ways. One practice is to write a thank you note or letter every day. John Kralik, a lawyer at the time (now a retired judge), documents the transformation of his life through this practice in his book, A Simple Act of Gratitude.

Another practice is to jot down three things that you are grateful for every day. Nothing is too big or too small to go on the list. Repeats are allowed. So, for example, your dog could hit the list every day of the week. Some people like to keep a gratitude journal for this purpose. Other people jot it down on a Post-It Note as soon as they sit down at their desk before they get started for the day, then toss it in the trash. This practice only takes about 1 minute to complete but pays big dividends.

It does not matter what form it takes, but it does appear to matter whether you write it down or just think about it. Writing something down commands our full attention. When you write something down it’s almost impossible not to put your full attention on it. You can’t write one thing and think another. Writing it down is calming and more effective.

Start the day differently. Rather than jumping out of bed as soon as you wake up, spend at least fifteen minutes reflecting, meditating, writing in your journal, doing yoga, or reading something that inspires you. This is also a great time to make your gratitude list.