Practice Perspective

The Power of Pause+

“Stop and count to 10” is an age-old maternal mantra for responding to any negative emotional stimuli or adversarial situation. Our mothers didn’t need to be versed in the neuroscience of how this seemingly simple act of pausing allows us to bypass our limbic system and engage our prefrontal cortex’s metacognitive functions (employing our reasoning “human” brain rather than our fight, flee, or freeze “reptilian” brain), she simply passed on the wisdom that seems inherent to all mothers. However, those of us in recovery or, frankly, anyone navigating our increasingly polarized world of instant and often anonymized communication, need to turn the jewel a bit to effectively employ mom’s wisdom. In an often-quoted phrase, I need to “pause when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.” For me, taking mom’s advice coupled with the action of asking for guidance makes all the difference. Over the years of my recovery, I have found this Pause+ method of adding a small, simple action as part of the pause to be the key to avoiding rash, “in the moment” decisions that I later regret. I don’t employ strict parameters on what the “+” has to be, just a bassline requirement that it involves someone or something outside of me. Whether that’s phoning a trusted friend, asking for guidance in a quiet prayer, or popping my head into the office next door, I find that when I return to whatever caused the agitation, it is never as “bad” as my initial thoughts suggested, and my response is more measured. Moreover, the guidance or thought received seems to make little difference either, rather the act of seeking the guidance provides the required reset. Maybe my future, personal AI nanny will scream, “warning, do not send/speak” through a bright flashing hologram, but until then, Pause+ is my aspirational mantra.

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